(Trying to) put things in perspective

[Al Alven]

I hope this post doesn't turn out to be too depressing or drags anyone down who reads it, because that really isn't the intention. I'm going through a bit of a tough time right now, however, and, well, I just feel that some good could come out of me getting my thoughts out in print.

One of my best friends in the world, Jeff Lamana, has been battling cancer, and took a sharp turn for the worse recently. I don't know how much time he has left, and I am, quite frankly, beside myself.

Jeff is a courageous guy. He owns and formerly operated philaphans.com, a website and online forum not unlike this one that has brought together countless sports fans in the Philadelphia area and beyond over the better part of the past decade.

The Philadelphia Daily News recently did a story on Jeff, and his battle. He's in his late 20s, got married just a few months back, and had been taking care of his ill mother pretty much 24/7, while being sick himself and trying to balance full time work (let alone keeping his site up and running).

There have been days, especially over the past year, where I've found myself complaining about such menial things, only to have everything put in perspective by thinking about what my friend and his family are going through.

I lost one of my best friends from childhood to cancer last year. I watched him go through so much, put the thing in remission, but ultimately lose his battle.

A few months back, of course, we lost our dear friend AnthonyV so suddenly. I'm still reeling from that, to tell you the truth.

And just today, I learned that yet another of my longtime "online" friends (a frequent contributor to various hockey message boards I have been a part of over the years), died in a car accident a week ago.

So, I'm very numb this morning. I can't stand the thought of losing a fourth close friend over the past year, but that is the reality I'm looking at. Jeff's wife has not tried to sugarcoat things in relaying information on his condition to me.

All I can say, as corny or even cliche as it may sound is, please appreciate all you have. Hug your loved ones today, and tell them how much you love them.

If you believe in God and/or prayer, please say a few words for my friend today. If not, please keep him and his family, and all those who are suffering from such afflictions, in your thoughts.

I had been planning to sit down and hammer out some of the final details for my website re-launch this week, but I just haven't been able to focus on it. I'm still hoping to get it up and ready for next week, but I'm not sure it's going to happen yet.

I promise you all that when it is done, it will be worth it. It is a project that I can honestly say is a labor of love, because it is and will be dedicated not only to the Wildwoods, but to all of the wonderful people I have met here, who I consider to be part of my extended family.

Though I've met so few of you in person to this point, I can honestly say that you've all been a big part of my everyday life for the past year or so, and I can't wait to meet up with you in the Wildwoods... hopefully, this summer!

Please take care of yourselves, and each other.

(Edit: I just realized that I finished with Jerry Springer's signature line, which is kind of funny, actually.

-- Al

[Cindy]

Al,

I am so sorry to hear about your loved ones. I myself have a relative going through chemo and radiation. It seems that everyone knows someone dealing with cancer.


Putting things into perspective is something we all need to be reminded to do. Personally, I had a very powerful and emotional reaction to 9/11. I told people in my family that I love them and I had not done that in years, or ever. We continue to say that to one another. Often, it is a tragic situation that forces us to put things into perspective.


It is wonderful that you sought solace in this forum. We all talk about WW, but it seems many of us have become or are becoming friends. A perfect example is how receptive everyone was to having a get together. I just moved and one of my first thoughts was to post pictures of the new house on the DWPL forum. I even talk about people on here like they are old friends.... "Al is organizing a Photo Project", "Frank is staying at the Aqua Beach", or "I just got more postcards from Eric."


I have always found writing or talking to be very therapeutic. Perhaps you will find some peace while working on your website. I know many of us are looking forward to it. I am not a very religious person, but I will pray for you and your friend. My mom has given me a special prayer to say for our relative currently undergoing treatment (if anyone would like a copy, send a personal message to me - it is a Catholic prayer.)


I will be thinking of you. Stay positive and look forward to the Wildwood Days, which are only a few months away.


Cindy

[Al Alven]

Thank you, Cindy.

I can't tell you how much your kind and comforting words mean to me.

I'm very sorry that you too have a loved one currently dealing with cancer. It's a terrible thing. My best wishes go out to your family. I sincerely hope that he/she beats it!

You're right, sometimes it does take a tragic event for us to realize what we have and put everything in perspective. It's a shame that it comes to that sometimes, but I guess it is human nature.

It's funny, I didn't think twice about posting this here, because I already feel so close to so many of the regular posters. I'm glad so many of us are becoming friends, and have been able to establish such a close bond via our mutual love and enthusiasm for the Wildwoods.

I also find myself talking to my wife (who scans the boards often, but does not post) about people on this forum, like I've known you guys forever. She laughs at me, and I usually have to slow down and clarify who/what I'm talking about.

Writing and talking things out are also very theraputic methods for me, especially when I know that I am communicating with people who care. I've actually sat down in the past hour or so to do a little work on the site, and got a good deal done, just thinking about how much I love the Wildwoods and the people here.

Thank you again!

[wildre]

Al, I'm so sorry about you friend, God sometimes works in mysterious ways. I've had a very good, old friend die several years ago, we did everything together, I still miss her every day.
Take solace is the memories you already have and make new ones with you friend while you still can. Hopefully the good times will sustain you.

re

[MMM]

I'm sorry to hear of this, Al. Staying "up", as much as one can, often goes a long way towards getting better. Hopefully he can beat it...

[FlyinGN]

I am so sorry to hear about your friend Al. In the 20's is so young.. Heartwrenching.. I lost my Mom to cancer 13 years ago now.. We were there as she passed at home. I know how horrible that disease can be. Life is short my friend. Don't anyone believe different cause one never know when their number is up. Enjoy your family and friends like it was your last day. Treat everyone like you may never see them again.. If you live this way you will never have any regrets..

We will say a prayer Al..

Frank

[wildwanderer]

I am so sorry Al. There are many "tests" that we go thru in our lives. But I feel each one makes you a stronger person. Not only emotionally but spiritually as well. I lost my Mom who had a terminal illness on September 16, 2001. I was watching the Towers that morning on the 11th and had just got off the phone with the visiting nurses association with the news that my Mom only had days left. It was very confusing , do I cry for the thousands who lost their lives or the one who will very soon. I prayed on it. My Mom was the vessel of life for me so I grieved for her and months later the grieving came for the rest. I find now that though I still think of her quite often I do still grieve but in a different way. A more selfish way. You know questions like Why, How could, Was it fair??? God called her that day. Her work here was done. However I feel she is stronger where she is now and with her looking out for me now in a spirtual way I sometimes feel that God gave me a safety net. My Mom. Yes, Al, life goes on but remember these people you know, tell everyone about them so that their spirits remain a part of lives here among the living. Pray and God will answer. I will be praying for your friend, but also for you so that you can have the strength to face whatever comes.

[Al Alven]

I want to thank everyone who responded with such kind words of encouragement in this thread, and I apologize for the extremely inpersonal (and brief) nature of this message.

Your messages all mean so much to me in what is a rather trying time, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate your support.

I am so sorry to hear that so many of you have also lost loved ones to cancer. However, I want to thank you for sharing your experiences, and helping me get through what I am dealing with right now.

I decided to take a few days off from work, get some things in order, spend time with my friend while I can. I'm not sure how much time he has left, so I want to make sure that every second counts.

For now, I just want to say "thanks again" to everyone for your generosity. I hope to get back into the swing of things soon...

Take care, all!

[MaryH]

Al, so sorry I did not see this message sooner. Your friend sounds like a great guy and I am glad you are sharing your thoughts. Sometimes that is the best kind of healing. I will say a prayer for Jeff and his family. Spending time with him today is one of the best things you could do right now.

MARY

[wildre]

Al, enjoy your time with your friend. We'll be here when you return.

[Al Alven]

Once again, I would like to thank everyone for your kind works, encouragement and support during what has been a very difficult time for me.

My dear friend, Jeff Lamana, passed away on Saturday, after a long, gallant fight with cancer. He is at peace now, no longer suffering from this terrible disease.

Jeff leaves behind his young wife Adina, and his mother Rose. Please say a prayer and/or keep them in your thoughts today, if you can.

Here is an article on Jeff that appears in today's Philadelphia Daily News:
www.philly.com/mld/dailynews/sports/14257739.htm

Rest in peace, big fella!

(And thanks again to everyone here -- my Wildwood family -- for everything!)

[crazyaboutwildwood]

I am sorry to hear all of this bad news Al. I hope your friend is at peace now! Take care AL my friend. I will be thinking of you and his family. Mike C

[wildwanderer]

Al, you have my deepest sympathy. You were a good friend, I can tell by your posts. Take care, and my thoughts are with you at this time.

[MMM]

Oh my... Sorry to hear this, Al.